


Taste of Desire

by irrelevanttous



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, JaliceWeek20, angel / demon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:20:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27134474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrelevanttous/pseuds/irrelevanttous
Summary: Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice.He had not known pain before he met her.Day 5 of Jaliceweek20, Angel / Demon
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale
Comments: 9
Kudos: 10
Collections: Jalice Week 2020





	Taste of Desire

**Author's Note:**

> I did not plan to write anything for Day five at all, but after talking to my lovely wife @tragicallywicked last night about her ideas for the Angel / Demon theme, I was inspired, so I wrote all of this in like two hours today. I really felt like I had to step up my game a little with this one, trying to make it more poetic because all of the other writers are writing these amazing pieces. I hope you guys like it!
> 
> Also, did I steal that quote from the original saga? I absolutely did.

_Some say the world will end in fire,_

_Some say in ice._

_From what I’ve tasted of desire_

_I hold with those who favour fire._

_But if it had to perish twice,_

_I think I know enough of hate_

_To say that for destruction ice_

_Is also great_

_And would suffice._

\- Robert Frost -

_________________________

He had lived a long existence without knowing what pain was. He’d never felt the hot, yellow flames of fire dancing across his skin, making him want to rip the skin off his flesh to get rid of the agonising feeling. Nor had he experienced the icy sting of the cold in his lungs, the sensation burning as well, but in a different, more quiet way. Every memory he had from before he’d come to earth was of a life characterized by good, peaceful harmony. Pain – whether it be the physical or emotional type – did not have a place where he came from.

But this life – existence – was not enough for him. He longed for excitement, a challenge; he wanted to prove himself worthy, wanted to go to earth to see something new, make _different_ memories. More thrilling ones.

He was, as they said with shaking heads, still so very young.

So foolishly, he asked for a different task.

They warned him about the human he was assigned to. Told him she would face many difficulties, many hardships in life, most of them while she was still very young. Told him she would most likely suffer. Told him it would be harder for him to stand it, with his ability to feel every emotion of the people surrounding him.

He didn’t listen.

And their words proved to be true, but he didn’t see that in the beginning.

The beginning of her life was as ordinary as he could have imagined; she was a beautiful, happy child, doing what all children did: running around in puddles, playing with imaginary friends (sometimes she talked to him, too, which confused him. She wasn’t supposed to know he was there, watching over her), or baking with her mother.

But Mary-Alice was different.

He first noticed it when she was six. She was talking to her aunt in that cheerful, childish voice that always made him look at her with great fondness. The woman was pregnant, and Mary-Alice asked her if she wanted to have her stuffed animal toy for her daughter.

The aunt was not the only person surprised – and shocked – by that statement.

Jasper wondered how she knew; had she simply guessed?

The adults didn’t take Mary-Alice’s words seriously, writing them off as just that – she had made a guess. Thus, on the birthday of her daughter, the aunt was only slightly bewildered when the wet nurse told her about the gender of her baby.

Mary-Alice had probably simply hoped for a little girl as a cousin, so that was why she had said it.

However, Jasper didn’t ignore the incident like her family did. The certainty, with which she had spoken, had astonished him. She seemed as sure about the truth of her statement as Jasper was himself. But he wasn’t human, and unlike him, she should not be able to talk about things which were going to happen in the future.

And yet, she could.

The incidents started recurring more frequently when she got older; but not old enough to notice the odd looks people were giving her after her well-meant assertions. Mary-Alice, he realised, was still too young to understand it would be wiser to keep these things to herself, too inexperienced in this world to figure out they would do more harm than good.

Jasper paid close attention to her father, who always seemed bothered, if not even irritated at the young girl, whenever she spoke of something she’d dreamed about the night before. The man did not trust his own daughter and was more worried about the family’s reputation than Mary-Alice’s wellbeing. Jasper did not like him from the start, sensing that there was something off about him.

So, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise, when the day came on which her father hit her – something he’d never done before at that point.

It was the first time Jasper experienced pain.

All these other times before – when she had fallen down while playing outside or cut herself accidentally with a kitchen knife or stood too close to the oven – he’d never interfered. They weren’t allowed to, in these cases. Humans had to learn about pain this way, had to make their own experiences, had to find out what they should avoid doing in the future.

However, violence was a different story.

In those cases, they were _supposed_ to help, supposed to make it better, supposed to save their human.

He took most of the pain for her, and although it wasn’t a lot – only a sharp slap in the face, which made her nose start bleeding – it felt as if the air had been sucked out of his lungs. The sting of the fiery sensation on his skin, almost as if he’d burned himself, surprised him. Although he had heard about it before and had felt it through other people’s emotions, he had not expected pain to feel like this: so deeply _unpleasant_.

It was worse, because he could feel her emotions; she wasn’t hurt badly, as he assessed with relief, but she felt humiliated. Angry. Betrayed.

This was, after all, her own father.

Fathers were supposed to protect their daughters, or so Jasper had always thought.

In the years that followed, he came to realise how stupid he’d been for ever believing that.

It didn’t get better for Mary-Alice, not even when she finally learned to keep most of her dreams to herself. Instead, with every passing day, things seemed to get worse and worse.

She stopped talking to him before she went to bed every night and he wondered if she had stopped _believing_ , stopped hoping that there was a better world out there for her. Also, she lost weight – she had never weighed much in the first place – until her dresses dangled limply down her shoulders.

Jasper was worried. Clearly, he was doing something wrong.

Sure, they weren’t allowed to interfere with the lives of their humans, not allowed to stop other people from hurting them, not allowed to comfort them themselves.

And yet, he could not help himself.

Since she was already dreaming too many dangerous things, he saw no harm in showing her some things of his own, better things, more positive things.

He only realised that he’d gone too far, when she woke up one morning, whispering “Jasper” into the empty space of her bedroom, her eyes gleaming for the first time in months.

She was not supposed to know about him. He would get in trouble for this, he knew it, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Mary-Alice was his responsibility and it broke his heart to see her suffer.

And if he could ease her pain just a little, wasn’t that his job?

Things got a lot worse when her mother died. Jasper, of course, knew exactly what had happened to Lilian Brandon and it made his non-existent blood boil to just have to stand by and watch, as her husband destroyed his family.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t the only one who knew the truth.

Mary-Alice knew it, too, and this time, she wasn’t smart – or careful – enough to keep it to herself. She was ready to shout it from the rooftops, to tell anybody who cared to listen, to make her father pay for what he had done, not knowing the danger she was in. Or she did know, but simply didn’t care anymore. Jasper wasn’t sure.

No matter how many dreams he sent her, how many warnings to keep her mouth shut, she ignored them all, desperately trying to put her father to justice.

But who would listen to a young woman who claimed she had seen the truth in a vision?

Again, Jasper could only watch as they took her away, locking her in a dark prison-like room at the mental asylum. He remembered their words, then: Mary-Alice would have to suffer a lot in her young life.

They had been right.

The pain of her father’s beatings, he realised quickly, was nothing against the shock treatments. She usually passed out after a few seconds by the force of the electricity coursing through her body, but _he_ couldn’t. He wasn’t human, after all, and unconsciousness wasn’t included in his genetics.

The shock of the waves seemed to burn every cell in his body until even _he_ wanted to scream; he was glad she wasn’t there to feel it, though. He couldn’t stand seeing her in this much pain.

Afterwards, when they carted her back to her room where she withered away like a sad flower in a cold winter, he sat next to her for hours, whispering comforting things in her ear which she could not hear.

During that time, he considered it a few times: breaking the rules. He was not allowed to show himself to humans, to physically be in the same room as the person he was assigned to.

And yet, after her third electroshock treatment, he changed his mind. Jasper knew his disobedience to the orders from above could result in grave consequences, but he didn’t care.

By now he knew he loved her, this tiny, sad girl with the visions of the future, which had brought her so much misfortune.

He made sure nobody else saw him, as he stepped into her room that night, pushing the keys he’d stolen back into his pocket.

Mary-Alice wasn’t sleeping – she never really slept these days – and sat up straight on her bed the second she laid eyes on him.

Jasper expected her to be frightened, perhaps even scream; he’d thought he would have a lot of explaining to do before she even got close to trusting him.

Instead, she smiled at him, appearing more attentive and _present_ than she had at any point during these past few months and said,

“Jasper. I knew you would come.”

Her words shocked him; had she seen him coming in another vision? Would she tell anybody about this?

If she did, he was certain, they would give her the treatment again without delay, and he wasn’t sure whether she could survive it.

Also, he himself wasn’t too keen to repeat the process any time soon. He had a higher tolerance for pain than she did, but even for him, it was nearly unbearable.

“You know who I am?” he asked in return, although it was a stupid question. After all, he had sent her the dreams himself, whenever he’d tried to comfort her.

She motioned him to sit down next to him. He crossed the room, trying to get used to the way his feet worked in this body, which was so close to his own appearance, but not quite the same. He could not show her his _real_ appearance, or she would most likely go blind.

Then again, this was Mary-Alice, and she was so different from most of the other human beings he’d encountered, so he wasn’t entirely sure about that.

“Of course. I have seen you in my dreams for all my life.”

Mary-Alice spoke as if it was a known fact in her world that some humans had angels to protect them, as if _this_ was entirely normal. What she didn’t seem to realise was that there was nothing even remotely normal about this conversation.

“I’m breaking all the rules right now,” he said. “I’m not allowed to speak to you like this… in person, I mean.” He was not allowed to send her the dreams either, but she didn’t have to know that.

She smiled at him. “I know. I’m glad you’re here, though. That way I can finally thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”

“You know about that?”

It astonished him; how much she actually knew. Yes, he had been careless about the dreams and the hidden messages, but he’d never told her about _this_. But the small girl next to him just nodded.

“I know everything about you, Jasper. I know you’re _good_. I know you’re trying to protect me. I also know that you’re taking as much of my pain as you’re able to. I will forever be grateful for that.”

He resisted the urge to snort. She spoke of forever as if she knew what that meant, when really, she had no idea. She had been on this earth for close to nineteen years, not even a tiny fraction of his own existence. And even if she lived a long - hopefully happy, even though he doubted it – human life, she would still not know even the smallest thing about _forever_.

“You need to stop telling people about your visions,” he warned her, hoping she would get the message this way. “Or they will keep hurting you.”

“What does it matter?” Her voice was bitter. “I’m not getting out of here anytime soon. Probably not ever. I will die in this place.”

“Don’t say that.” The forcefulness of his own words surprised him, and he felt guilty immediately when she flinched. However, she was not scared of him; the only emotions she exuded were genuine gratitude and… something else he could not quite pinpoint.

“Why not? We both know it’s true.”

“I will not let that happen.” He promised it to himself at that moment. “I will find a way to get you out of here.”

Mary-Alice stared at him in shock, before starting to shake her head vehemently. “You can’t! They will cast you out. It’s not allowed.”

Again, he wondered how she knew that. Had he missed something? Did her knowledge reach far beyond her visions? Was she omniscient after all?

“I can’t bear to see you in this place. I will find a way.”

He reached out, stroking his fingers over her hand which she had placed in her lap. It was the first time he’d touched a human – touched _her_ – and the electricity flowing through his body at the contact was of a very different type than the shock treatments. Apparently, she felt it, too, judging by the way her eyes shot up to find his. For one long moment, they were just sitting there in silence, staring into each other’s eyes.

He wished time would just freeze.

Then, the sound of steps in the hallways made them jump apart. Nobody else could see him here in this form, Jasper remembered.

“I will get you out,” he promised one last time, ignoring her doubtful glance, before he unlocked the door and left the same way he’d come in.

He was not seen that day, and it made him careless – even cocky – during the next times he visited her. The shock treatments didn’t stop, although Mary-Alice kept her visions to herself, but the doctors and nurses didn’t seem to care about that anyway. Jasper more and more got the impression that helping her was not their primary focus.

Her mind got damaged a little more with each treatment and he wanted to act quickly.

One night, when he’d decided to tell her about the plan he’d made to free her, he entered her room – by now, he didn’t even care about appearances anymore, so he didn’t need a key. Instead, he just appeared right in front of her. This, of course, was also forbidden, but he’d already broken every single rule there was, so it hardly mattered anymore.

Mary-Alice had been right – he _would_ be cast out if the truth got out about this. But he loved her too much to care, her safety and wellbeing his only concerns at this point.

However, just when he opened his mouth to tell her about his decision, he saw that she was sitting in the corner, rolled up in a ball, her eyes red and her face puffy.

“What is it?” he asked her, crossing the room, and kneeled down next to her, his hands pulling her into an embrace. He’d done this many times in the past weeks and he had grown far too accustomed to it by now.

“He’s… going… to… kill me,” she whimpered, the sounds muffled against his chest and Jasper froze, not sure what she was talking about. He was taking her seriously anyway, though. It was experience; she was usually right about these things.

“Who is? Your father?”

She shook her head. “Some-… someone else. I don’t know _what_ he is… his eyes are red, like a… de-… demon and he’s fast… incredibly fast. And strong. He’ll break my bones like twigs.”

Jasper frowned. Demons did not exist, only fallen angels, but those didn’t interfere directly with human lives under normal circumstances. They acted from out of the shadows, like he was supposed to.

“A demon?”

Mary-Alice pulled back slightly and nodded. “He wants my… bl-… blood, I think.”

Only then did Jasper realise what she was talking about. The creatures of the darkness were, while not _exactly_ demons, at least quite similar to what the human imagination imagined demons to be like.

“Mary-Alice, I will not let that happen.” His voice was firm. He’d never fought a vampire before, but he knew he would, for her. “You will be safe with me, I promise.”

Again, she shook her head. “You won’t be able to. I saw my own death. I saw how he got me.”

There was no blood in his body, but if there had been, it would have run cold at her words. Her grief hit him with the force of a tidal wave and for a short moment, he was rendered immobile, frozen in shock.

Then, he collected himself, calming her nerves with soothing emotions, as well as with his hands, which were stroking over her back reassuringly.

Her breathing became more even as time passed, and he thought about her words, trying to think of some way to prevent them from coming true.

“When is that going to happen? What else did you see?” he asked her, and Mary-Alice shivered again. For a moment, he was worried that all the progress he’d made trying to calm her had been in vain, but then, she straightened her shoulders, meeting his eyes with determination. She seemed to prepare herself for battle.

“Two days from now. He doesn’t know where I am – or that I even exist, yet. But once he catches my scent, he will start… _hunting_ immediately.”

“I will get you out of here before that then.” He made a move to stand up, wanting to leave to make his plans.

“Jasper,” she whimpered, grasping his shirt with two hands, holding him in place. “Stay with me tonight. I don’t want to be alone.”

He could never deny her anything, but he did also not know what exactly she meant until her lips were pressed against his. He froze at the sensation, never having experienced anything like this before.

The fire he felt that night, with their bodies connecting in this most intimate way, was a different kind of fire – the kind which took him completely by surprise – and it shattered everything he’d believed to be true about the world, and love, and life itself.

No one had ever warned him about this, and he wasn’t sure if this had happened before: One of his kind falling in love with one of hers. If it had, he did not want to know how the story ended, because he was sure it would not have a happy ending.

As much as he wanted to, he could not stay in her arms forever, since he had to save her; save this human girl he was so hopelessly in love with; save her from her terrible fate.

He did not return the next day, too deeply engaged in his preparations. Jasper knew he was running out of time, that he only had a few more hours.

When he entered her room – or _cell_ , as would be the better word for it – she was gone. He was scared to death at the fact.

Had the vampire come for her sooner than she’d expected?

Guilt washed over him: perhaps he’d put too much faith in the accuracy of her visions, had believed them to be infallible.

Or perhaps the vampire had changed his mind.

But he could feel that she was still alive: the world was still spinning. He was sure it would stop if she was gone.

So he collected himself and vowed to find her and bring her – not _back_ , perhaps, because he had no intention of letting her ever return to this place – _somewhere_ else. To safety. Someplace where she would not be hurt anymore.

Mary-Alice had suffered enough for her short life.

He found them in a clearing in the forest nearby. The vampire had not killed her yet, seemingly wanting to take his time, to really enjoy his meal, to torture her.

The thought of it nearly made Jasper lose his head.

They fought for what seemed to be a long time, the angel and the demon – as Mary-Alice had called him, until finally, Jasper managed to kill the creature.

He tore him apart, limb from limb, wanting to make him suffer. It was a desire he’d never felt before, wanting to _hurt_ someone, but this creature of the night had dared to lay hands on Mary-Alice, and it deserved to be punished for that before its existence was obliterated.

Just as he was throwing the last remains of the vampire into the flames of the pyre, watching with satisfaction how the life drained out of the creature, he heard the shallow sounds of her breathing. He came back to himself then, remembering why he was here: _to save her_ , not to kill and torture the one who had tried to hurt her.

Within a heartbeat he was by her side, pulling her into his arms.

“Jasper.” Her voice was weak, and it was obvious she was in pain.

“It burns,” was all she said.

Alarmed, he scanned every inch of her body until his eyes came to rest on her neck.

There, hidden by the neck brace she’d been wearing for the last few days after the last shock treatment, was a red, glowing bite mark.

He felt his own life draining away with hers at the sight of it.

“Make it stop!” she was screaming then, thrashing in his arms.

But he didn’t know what to do. There was nothing _to_ do. It could not be stopped. The venom was in her system now and he could not remove it.

 _Save her_ , he begged silently to the sky, but nothing happened.

All he could do was hold her.

He knew what this meant, knew what he was supposed to do.

Kill her, all of the others seemed to scream at him in his head.

Kill her while she was still human, while there was still a chance for her redemption. It would be a mercy.

And yet, he could not.

Instead, he just sat there with her, holding her, preparing himself for the eternity of misery they were both facing.

It was another kind of pain then. One he had not experienced yet. Holding the woman he loved while she was dying – turning into _something_ _else_ – he felt as if he was dying right there with her.

Only then did he know the feeling of the ice coursing through his body, the freezing burn so much crueller, so much more hopeless than the fiery flames of pain, which he’d come to know since he’d met her.

Then, after what seemed like an eternity, her heart stopped beating and her eyes opened; the red colour reminding him what she was now.

But at least they would be together.

**Author's Note:**

> So tragic... will I ever write a single non-angsty fic for Jaliceweek? I don't really think so. Let me know what you think?


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